Me and my death wish
A brief non-event on my scooter prompted a fellow commuter to question if I have a ‘death wish’. This leads me to ponder the rationale behind initiating a change in others through inane questions.
Me and Mr. Green Shirt White Car
I find my 6 minute and 25 second scooter commute to the train station each morning to be refreshing and free. With the wind beating my chest, I weave between the potholes singing Viking war songs to declare my manhood on my white and baby blue Honda Scoopy. Such was my state of mind this morning when I paused to let Mr. Green Shirt White Car proceed in front of me in the round about.
I followed Mr. Green Shirt White Car into the train station parking lot and I proceeded to park in my favourite and often available spot. As I fixed the damage my helmet had done to my freshly gelled hair, I heard Mr. Green Shirt state from over my shoulder, “You must have a death wish!”
Still primarily concerned about my helmet hair but quite interested in what might follow such a statement, my “Oh?” was met with a scowl and silence as Mr. Green Shirt walked off. After getting my dome to a not-so-plastered state to be as un-dork-like as possible, I hurried after Mr. Green Shirt to continue what I was sure to be a riveting conversation. “Most people start with good morning” I quip, trying to be all friendly and clever.
Mr. Green Shirt would have none of my cheerfulness, and at 5:33am, I can’t say I blame him. His main concern was his interpretation of the look on my face as I pulled up to the round about to wait for him to go around. I felt the need to apologise, but was not sure for what as most people find my Viking war-cry face quite pleasant. My mind feeling like it was as speed limited as my Scoopy, all I got out was something about how I did indeed stop for him, to which Mr. Green Shirt muttered on about me not having a lot of metal around me and again with that death wish comment he seemed pleased to declare.
“You want a smack?” and other ridiculous questions
When asked the questions as to my death wish, I felt stupid, insecure and immediately defensive (my first version of this post as an immature rant offering Mr. Green Shirt to the Viking gods). Reflecting on the situation, I see the question as an approach to change that is disrespectful and ineffective, yet pervasive in our culture. It is like asking a child if they want a hit, an employee if they want to be fired or a partner if they want to terminate the relationship. The question presents a lose-lose option for the respondent to choose between idiocy and capitulation
We may achieve the change we are after with questions like these, but at what cost to the other’s self esteem and our relationships? What if Mr. Green Shirt had commented that “When you pulled up to the round about, your Viking face made me feel…” or perhaps “You could probably be more safe if you did not attack round abouts like a Norse legend”. While both of those statements would have solicited a blog post in themselves, I would have felt a lot better about the process.
We are all a bit of Mr. Green Shirt. If you truly desire change in the other person and not just personal validation, please consider presenting some other options. Perhaps then we can make this life a little more like a utopian Valhalla.