How did you break your chin? (a reflection on self-disclosure reciprocity)

My kid traded her bike for pavement last week in her participation of one of life’s more popular character-building exercises.  As I conveyed the particulars of the gaping bone-revealing wound to my friends and colleagues, they responded in-kind with their own superman-flights off rooftops and stumbles down stairs.  Their responses made me aware of the interesting social norm of self-disclosure reciprocity.

The premise goes like so: we build trust and understanding with others by disclosing something about ourselves.  We develop rapport by disclosing things of a similar nature to what has been disclosed to us.  In practical terms, we have a desperate need to participate in the conversation through sharing a tale related to what we just heard.

Keep the conversation going

I am unsure if we do this out of self-interest to make ourselves feel good or if it is based on a desire to empathise and set the other person at ease.  Either way, I am aware there are rules around having such a conversation:

Method of the injury

The more exotic the method of your injury, the better… to a point.  Taking a tumble when you were three – standard fare.  Clipped by a car when you saved that little girl – high kudos.  Telling your boss about cutting yourself last year on that broken crack pipe – not so good.

Rarity and severity of the injury

Broken bones are common enough, sprains a bit mundane.  Anything where your insides end up on the outside makes great office talk.  Discussing that infected splinter you got from your weekend hobby of whittling wooden Harry Potter figurines will brand you a conversational muggle.

Socially acceptable nature of the injury

Test your responses to the two scenarios below:

Scenario 1
Me: “My kid just cracked open her chin.”
You: “Oh yeah?  I cracked my forehead open when I…”

Scenario 2
Me:  “I was walking down the street the other day when I ruptured my rectum”
You:  “Um…”

You get the idea.  Self-disclosure does not mean you can be exhibitionist.

Application: you tell me yours if I tell you mine

Most of us participate in physical or online communities in some shape or form.  Some of us are even involved in developing and shaping those communities.  Remember, everyone wants to tell their story.  Rather than telling your story for self-gratification, share with the intention to allow others the opportunity to tell theirs.

With that in mind…

My kid busted her chin open, cracked her tooth, chipped her elbow and strained her neck last week flying off her bike at the bottom of the appropriately named Hill Street, requiring three internal and five external stiches on her still beautiful chin.  I jumped off a table and got three stiches in my chin when I was a kid, still have a slight scar.  How did you get your scar?

There’s a comment form at the bottom of this post…

that’s your queue…

you can start typing now…