Fear of loss in organisations: A humble lesson from Zach Sobiech in Soul Pancake’s My Last Days

To what extent does fear determine your emotional response? I ask this as I reflect on an impacting story about Zach Sobiech and my own recollection of printer woes.

A printer lesson on perspective

Printers are the bane of a digital company, especially for a young, unorganised business development manager. Sending a proposal to the duplex colour printer five minutes before you are scheduled to head out the door will nearly always end in tears.

It was 2002, and I was a self-assured BDM for a Melbourne-based digital studio.  The printer and I did not get along at the best of times, but this day was particularly bad. Lights were flashing, toner was leaking, paper was jamming, and my temper was soaring. I open and close every conceivable orifice on the machine with increased force to beat the beast into submission.

I run out the door after ten minutes of behaviour I am not proud of but have since reconciled, phoning the client with apologies for “technical difficulties” (sales-translation = poor time management). I impatiently jump on the next tram and attempt to compose myself. I straighten my suit jacket and breathe deeply.

I hear someone say “Hey man”. I turn around and see one of the studio designers. I have a lot respect for the guy, as he always seems to be laid back and self-assured.

“Hey”, I say back, wondering how he got from the studio to the tram so quickly without me seeing him.

He then said in his typical relaxed manner, “I know someone who’s got a niece who has cancer. She’s twelve. Going through chemo. They’re hopeful, but it is not looking good. Kind of puts things in perspective, hey?” He gives me a look that says more with compassion than any judgement could and hops off at the next stop.

It is interesting what stays in our memory through decades and careers. I was reminded of the designer’s comments when I recently discovered Zach Sobiech’s story.

Zach Sobiech’s reminder

Zach Sobiech was featured on Soul Pancake’s documentary series My Last Days.  Soul Pancake is a creative agency that aims to “help us figure out what it means to be human and feel damn good doing it”. They hit their target well, as seen in their Kid President video which is currently at 22.5 million views on YouTube. Their recent series My Last Days aims to “tackle the issue of death head on by interviewing people of all ages who have been informed that they are living their last days”.

Zach’s story as part of the series has been propelled by his song Clouds, embedded below, which has been viewed by over 5.6 million people in the three weeks since it was posted. You can see the full 22-minute documentary here, which has had over 7.2 million views as this writing.

Cancer is horrible. In 2012, over 1.6 million cases of cancer were reported in the US and over half a million people died. In Australia, over half of men and a third of women will be diagnosed with cancer by the age of 85. My own experience with a close friend who had terminal cancer was gut wrenching, even as I watched her come to peace with her situation towards the end.

Stories of those experiencing cancer can also be life-changing. Blogs of terminal cancer patients remain after they are gone as a testament. The last lecture by Carnegie Mellon University professor Randy Pausch has had over 15.8 million views.  These stories inspire and motivate us to consider life beyond our day to day concerns.

As I watched Zach’s story, I was struck like many by his positivity. This is not uncommon.  Studies show that positive feelings can be expressed in the last few months by those experiencing terminal cancer as they “cognitively restructure their life situations and create meanings”. The research does acknowledge that this does not include those affected by dementia and may be reflective of the types of people more likely to participate in research. What has been found is that a positive perspective can depend upon the levels of pain, spiritual belief, sense of dignity, perceived burden to others, and hopelessness.

Having loved ones around to combat loneliness can also play a big part. Support from family and friends is a common theme in the My Last Days series. Gratitude for what one has is a prevalent salve for what one is about to lose.

Lessons for leaders about fear of loss

If Zach can have such a positive outlook, I question outbursts I have seen in leaders over the years (myself included). In stark contrast to Zach’s perspective, executives are renowned for inappropriate behaviour.  A 2009 Forbes article proposes this is due to goals being blocked. A 2012 post in The Wall Street Journal points to a Duke University study that cites a lack of fairness, trust, and risk of disadvantage.

Watching Zach’s story, I wonder to what extent his positivity is related to overcoming a fear of loss.  Death is often the final extreme answer to the question of “What is the worst that can happen?” Once the person reconciles themselves with that end point, fear and its symptoms of irrational anger appear to be less prevalent.

Answering the “worst that can happen” question in organisations has different outcomes for leaders who may feel the weight of the world on their shoulders.  In observing and experiencing other’s outbursts, I pick up on language that reflects fear of loss of control, face, position, reputation, trust, security, goals and aspirations. Often these fears are of an irrational outcome that is not reflective of the actual situation.

These fears are reinforced and exasperated by sensationalist media headlines (which we as consumers demand). We celebrate failure in retrospect, highlighting resilience of leaders who triumph over failure, show why failure is good for leaders, and encourage leaders to ‘fail up’. Yet we demonise leaders in the present moment, crucifying them on lists of the worst of the worst.

It is inappropriate to generalise and say all terminal cancer patients have a positive outlook any more than all organisational leaders exhibit angry fear-driven outbursts. I compare the two situation only to consider the differences in an attempt to practically apply the inspiration that comes from stories such as Zach’s. I see three differences highlighted in the comparison:

1. What is important

A difference may be that organisational leaders exaggerate the importance of what it is they are doing, where growing a company or pushing through a change project becomes more important than the lives of those involved.

2.Fear of long-term experience

Or perhaps we see the difference in the approach of Zach versus those who care for him. Organisational leaders can be weighed down by fear of long-term ramifications of businesses failing, career devastation in a weak job market, or loss of popular opinion by a fickle consumer audience.

3. Reliance on and support of people

Finally, I wonder if there is a correlation between a leader’s reliance on people and the leader’s emotional response. Stories of positive terminal cancer patients are often characterised by support of close friends and family. Successful leaders often attribute their success to their team, whereas leaders who are noted for outbursts and irrationality can be known for treating people as cogs in the machine of their own agenda.

Each person must reconcile their own approach. I ask in reflection:

• If fear is removed, does the situation still justify the emotional response?
• Is the negative treatment of others and damage to relationship worth an outburst that may be perceived as the best way to achieve the desired outcome?
• Is the response warranted when put in perspective of the approach portrayed by one such as Zach Sobiech?
• As leaders, can we balance our aspirations towards our goals with a fundamental respect for others and a desire to help them realise their full potential?
• Can gratitude for what we have prevent the stress from focusing on what is lacking?

If nothing else, the stories make you consider what is important in life and if your focus is on those things.

As always, I am speaking to myself. You are invited to listen in and apply to yourself as you see fit.

I invite you to join me to “cognitively restructure our life situations and create meanings”. If you have a response, emotional or otherwise, I welcome your thoughts below.