{"id":5712,"date":"2013-02-09T22:58:30","date_gmt":"2013-02-09T22:58:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sidewaysthoughts.com\/blog\/?p=5712"},"modified":"2015-02-15T18:49:55","modified_gmt":"2015-02-15T18:49:55","slug":"fierce-conversations-principle-2-three-steps-to-change-and-coming-out-from-behind-the-curtain","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sidewaysthoughts.com\/blog\/2013\/02\/fierce-conversations-principle-2-three-steps-to-change-and-coming-out-from-behind-the-curtain\/","title":{"rendered":"Fierce Conversations Principle 2: Three steps to change and coming out from behind the curtain"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-5713\" alt=\"Behind the curtain\" src=\"https:\/\/sidewaysthoughts.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/02\/behind_the-curtain.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"478\" \/><\/p>\n<h2>Open the curtain<\/h2>\n<p>\u201cPay no attention to what is behind the curtain.\u201d Such can be said about many people and organisations.\u00a0 The curtain is a metaphor for hidden things not fit for public consumption. Behind the curtain, dirt and grime coat the walls and rub off on those who get too close. Broken furniture spills into pathways to trip those who do not know their way around. Dark corners provide havens for unethical transactions and hidden secrets. Whispered conversations are held behind closed doors.<\/p>\n<p>These curtains occasionally slip open, however, and present the audience with a choice.\u00a0 The audience can be offended at being taken in by the illusion and choose to walk away. Another option for the audience is that they can pretend they didn\u2019t see behind the curtain and convince themselves and others that there is no curtain. They then become part of the machine holding the curtain in place.<\/p>\n<p>At both the organisational and the personal level, there is always a concept of what is considered public and what is behind the scenes.\u00a0 These <a title=\"When it Comes to Corporate Image It's Identity That Counts\" href=\"http:\/\/www.magma.no\/when-it-comes-to-corporate-image-its-identity-that-counts\" target=\"_blank\">different \u201cidentities\u201d<\/a>\u00a0include what is <b>actual<\/b>, what is <b>communicated<\/b>, what is <b>conceived<\/b>, what is <b>ideal<\/b>, and what is <b>desired<\/b>.\u00a0 Conflict occurs when there is too great a gap between these identities.<\/p>\n<p>This conflict is seen in examples such as:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Organisations that state a primary mission as treating others as themselves, while creating a culture of blame.<\/li>\n<li>Executives who espouse company values that are not aligned with their personal actions.<\/li>\n<li>Individuals who create personal brands through social media that do not reflect who they really are.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Instead of leaving the situation or ignoring or accommodating these gaps, a third option is to directly address the disparity.\u00a0 While there will always be a \u201cback of house\u201d that is not presented to the public, there should be minimal shock when you discover what is behind the curtain.\u00a0 Susan Scott speaks to this with her second principle of <a title=\"Fierce Conversations on Sideways Thoughts\" href=\"https:\/\/sidewaysthoughts.com\/blog\/tag\/susan-scotts-fierce-conversations\/\" target=\"_blank\">Fierce Conversations<\/a>\u00a0of coming out from behind yourself to ensure there is integrity and authenticity in personal lives and in organisations.<\/p>\n<h2>Own your part<\/h2>\n<p>Getting to a place where there is misalignment in identities can be a gradual and unconscious process.\u00a0 Closing the gap, however, must be intentional.\u00a0 As Scott notes, \u201cauthenticity is not something you have; it is something you choose\u201d.\u00a0 This choice is necessary yet confronting and uncomfortable. \u00a0\u201cThe truth will set you free, but first it must irritate you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>When seeing issues in other people or organisations, it is important to understand that what annoys us most are generally issues we see clearly in ourselves.\u00a0 Our criticism of others can be amplified as projections of what we find unsatisfactory in ourselves.\u00a0 Scott highlights this principle stating that \u201cour lives are mirrors accurately reflecting us back to ourselves\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>The \u201cfierce conversation\u201d starts with the individual.\u00a0 As Scott notes, \u201cAll conversations are with myself, and sometimes they involve other people.\u201d and \u201cThe issues in my life are rarely about you. They are almost always about me.\u201d \u00a0\u00a0We need to be aware of how often we find ourselves looking back at us from behind curtains we see in others.<\/p>\n<h2>Clarity on what is needed<\/h2>\n<p>So we acknowledge the curtain, and we see ourselves in the situation, but cleaning up can only occur if we know where we are going.\u00a0 Scott notes that \u201cYou will bring into your life whatever it is you have the most clarity about\u201d.\u00a0 It is ironic then that most people have a great deal of clarity about what it is they do not want.<\/p>\n<p>This premise aligns with the concept of communicating vision, of taking others and yourself <a title=\"A four step model for communicating change and setting vision: Taking people from &quot;here&quot; to &quot;there&quot;\" href=\"https:\/\/sidewaysthoughts.com\/blog\/2012\/10\/a-four-step-model-for-communicating-change-and-setting-vision-taking-people-from-here-to-there\/\" target=\"_blank\">from here to there<\/a>.\u00a0 It is easy to define what is wrong with a situation, and <a title=\"Planning your New Year and passion for work: Goleman\u2019s model for emotional intelligence and lessons from John Lauer\" href=\"https:\/\/sidewaysthoughts.com\/blog\/2012\/12\/planning-your-new-year-and-passion-for-work-golemans-model-for-emotional-intelligence-and-lessons-from-john-lauer\/\" target=\"_blank\">a bit of self-awareness<\/a>\u00a0can help understand how you got here. It is only through an unwavering focus on a positive future state, however, that we can clean behind the curtain.<\/p>\n<p>In retrospect, I have seen the model above play out in a range of executives I have worked with.\u00a0 Some are continuously in legal or financial hardship. They maintain a curtain to hide contributing factors, which prevents them from seeing themselves in the situation and distracts them from focusing on a positive future state.<\/p>\n<p>I have also worked with executives who openly invite you to see what happens behind the scenes both in their business and their personal lives. They are self-aware of their role in their successes and failures and build momentum towards an end goal of where they want to be.<\/p>\n<p>The latter description is the obvious choice; to be transparent, to be responsible for my part, and to have clarity of vision for the companies I build and the person I choose to be.\u00a0 As Scott says, this can take a \u201cfierce conversation\u201d to \u201ccome out from behind ourselves\u201d. \u00a0It is a conversation I start with myself, and sometimes it involves others.<\/p>\n<p>This blog, like all social media expression, is part of that conversation.\u00a0 It is a conversation that involves honesty about our curtains, our role in the situation, and the future state we are creating to make a positive difference in this world. I welcome you to join in.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Open the curtain \u201cPay no attention to what is behind the curtain.\u201d Such can be said about many people and organisations.\u00a0 The curtain is a&#8230; <a href=\"https:\/\/sidewaysthoughts.com\/blog\/2013\/02\/fierce-conversations-principle-2-three-steps-to-change-and-coming-out-from-behind-the-curtain\/\" class=\"bwp-excerpt-more-link\">Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5713,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","cybocfi_hide_featured_image":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[185],"tags":[13,29,69,201,99,154,143],"ecosystem_role":[],"class_list":["post-5712","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-about-you","tag-accountability","tag-change-management","tag-identity","tag-leadership","tag-personal-development","tag-susan-scotts-fierce-conversations","tag-vision","bwp-masonry-item","bwp-col-3"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sidewaysthoughts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5712","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sidewaysthoughts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sidewaysthoughts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sidewaysthoughts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sidewaysthoughts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5712"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/sidewaysthoughts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5712\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5716,"href":"https:\/\/sidewaysthoughts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5712\/revisions\/5716"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sidewaysthoughts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5713"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sidewaysthoughts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5712"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sidewaysthoughts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5712"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sidewaysthoughts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5712"},{"taxonomy":"ecosystem_role","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sidewaysthoughts.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/ecosystem_role?post=5712"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}