{"id":5750,"date":"2013-03-03T10:42:46","date_gmt":"2013-03-03T10:42:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sidewaysthoughts.com\/blog\/?p=5750"},"modified":"2015-02-15T18:49:31","modified_gmt":"2015-02-15T18:49:31","slug":"fierce-conversations-principle-3-be-here-and-nowhere-else-smartphones-versus-one-to-ones","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sidewaysthoughts.com\/blog\/2013\/03\/fierce-conversations-principle-3-be-here-and-nowhere-else-smartphones-versus-one-to-ones\/","title":{"rendered":"Fierce conversations principle 3: Be here and nowhere else (smartphones versus one-to-ones)"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Be<\/p>\n

My review of Scott\u2019s third principle of fierce conversations comes at a time when I am increasingly conscious of the technology distractions around me. While these distractions act as barriers to being \u201chere\u201d in the moment, there are other habits that can prevent authentic and intentional conversations with those around us.<\/p>\n

The smartphone barrier to being “here”<\/h2>\n

Many of us stare at a screen in front of us as much as we look at other people in our “always on” age of technology.\u00a0 Business meetings and dinner parties are subtly illuminated by the soft glow of smart phones and tablets reflecting off faces making furtive glances to their devices.\u00a0 Boardroom conversations share priorities with Facebook, news sites, games and emails.\u00a0 People stare at their phone as they walk down the sidewalk<\/a>, developing a heightened sixth sense of the world just outside of their peripheral vision.<\/p>\n

Over half the population in the US and Europe have smartphones<\/a>\u00a0and the number is increasing across most countries<\/a>. \u00a0I acknowledge I may be projecting my own propensity for frequent checking emails and social channels, but I know I am not alone in both habit and concern.\u00a0 For example, the Lookup Project<\/a>\u00a0aims to get people to look up from their devices and experience the world around them, although with only 400 followers perhaps people are too busy on their phones to join.\u00a0 A LinkedIn article<\/a>\u00a0urged people to go 21 days without bringing out a phone in the company of others.<\/p>\n

Smartphones have legitimized a state of perpetual distraction and prevent us from being fully “here”.\u00a0 This relates to principle three of Susan Scott\u2019s book Fierce Conversations<\/a> and its commission to \u201cBe here, prepared to be nowhere else\u201d.<\/p>\n

Scott highlights that when we are with others, every conversation has to count, as our conversations are<\/i> the relationship. A fierce conversation commissions us to come into the conversation with empty hands, bringing nothing but ourselves.\u00a0 I see empty hands to include keeping our smartphone in our pocket.<\/p>\n

The one-to-one conversation<\/h2>\n

A means to practice this notion of being \u201chere\u201d is to have what Scott refers to as \u201cone-to-ones\u201d.\u00a0 These conversations are characterized by:<\/p>\n