{"id":6913,"date":"2014-11-09T02:18:45","date_gmt":"2014-11-09T02:18:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sidewaysthoughts.com\/blog\/?p=6913"},"modified":"2015-02-15T06:43:51","modified_gmt":"2015-02-15T06:43:51","slug":"how-are-our-thoughts-serving-us-an-explanation-from-the-life-styles-inventory","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sidewaysthoughts.com\/blog\/2014\/11\/how-are-our-thoughts-serving-us-an-explanation-from-the-life-styles-inventory\/","title":{"rendered":"How are our thoughts serving us? An explanation from the Life Styles Inventory"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Non-constructive<\/p>\n

She lets loose\u00a0a barely audible mutter under her breath.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat did you say?\u201d he asks with a notable tone of anger, daring her to respond.<\/p>\n

\u201cNothing\u201d she replies as she stomps off in a huff.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Each person in the example above is displaying behaviours that are meeting their\u00a0needs. \u00a0But are the behaviours\u00a0the\u00a0most effective way to get either person’s\u00a0desired outcome?<\/p>\n

You would think that after a lifetime of practice, our thoughts, conversations, and behaviours would be constructive. In other words, that our responses would be useful and beneficial.<\/p>\n

Yet we know this is not always the case. We think, say, and do things that are not all that helpful and can\u00a0limit us from getting where we feel we need to be. We can even get into habits of thinking, saying, and doing these unhelpful things over, and over, and over again.<\/p>\n

Why is it that we maintain habitual responses that are not useful? Centuries of research in fields of psychology, philosophy and theology have developed a myriad of responses to this question.<\/p>\n

The Life Styles Inventory (LSI) by Human Synergistics is one such approach that shows promise. Developed around 50 years ago and used by millions of participants, the LSI gives an insight into why our responses are not always beneficial as well as a clear description of what a constructive response looks like.<\/p>\n

The Life Styles Inventory<\/h2>\n

\"What<\/p>\n

The Life Styles Inventory<\/a>, or LSI, is a model that describes our thoughts and behaviours using twelve styles positioned on what is referred to as a Circumplex<\/a>. These styles are grouped into three colour-coded categories: red for aggressive, green for passive, and blue for constructive.<\/p>\n

\"Style<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The aggressive and passive\u00a0styles that are positioned towards the\u00a0bottom\u00a0of the Circumplex are defensive, meaning we often\u00a0use\u00a0these\u00a0styles based on a need to feel safe and secure. \u00a0These styles are learned through our lives and develop into habitual responses. The greater the need for security, such as when we are under stress, the more intense the defensive thoughts and behaviours may be.<\/p>\n

This stress triggers our innate fight-or-flight responses to help us survive in\u00a0contemporary society. \u00a0Most of us are\u00a0not trying to survive\u00a0on the Serengeti, but we still face modern\u00a0day attacking lions\u00a0in the form of\u00a0meeting someone we feel is attractive, being presented with a career advancement opportunity, or facing a job loss –\u00a0all highlighting\u00a0our\u00a0needs for procreation, territory and survival.<\/p>\n

Five\u00a0challenges to shifting from\u00a0defensive to constructive<\/h2>\n

Defensive styles are just that \u2013 defensive responses to real or perceived threats.\u00a0 We tell ourselves that these styles keep us safe. We may even achieve short-term results using these styles.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, these styles also have a cost. That cost is in the form of energy focused on survival. This energy manifests itself as worry, stress, and anxiety, which can then have negative impacts on our relationships and our physical and emotional health.<\/p>\n

Having\u00a0coached many\u00a0people through their LSI results, I have heard\u00a0a few\u00a0reasons given for maintaining passive and aggressive responses:<\/p>\n

Challenge 1: Just the way I am <\/strong><\/h3>\n

Over time, defensive styles develop into habits that can define \u201cjust the way we are\u201d. Previous unsuccessful attempts to break out of thought patterns and behaviour cycles can lead to a false belief that we are our habitual response.<\/p>\n

Helpful narrative: \u201cI am not my response.\u201d<\/p>\n

Challenge 2: It\u2019s working for me<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Defensive styles have a pretence that they are working for us. Being overly competitive and perfectionistic in an aggressive environment can get short-term results. Being overly agreeable and avoiding conflict in a change-resistant bureaucracy may mean you keep your job during times of organisational upheaval. Inevitably, however, we may encounter feedback in the form of personal stress or loss of opportunity that tells us that these defensive behaviours may not help us get to where we want to go in life.<\/p>\n

Helpful narrative: \u201cHow are my thoughts and behaviours really serving me? What is the cost and what is the benefit?\u201d<\/p>\n

Challenge 3:\u00a0It always happens to me<\/strong><\/h3>\n

We can\u00a0become quite skilled at our defensive responses. We also tend to create situations that we are familiar with and allow us to respond in ways that allow us to use our skills. \u00a0This means that we can become so good at\u00a0responding under threat, that we create situations that allow us to\u00a0use our defensive responses. When life seems to single you out for the same issues over and over, there may be an opportunity to\u00a0ask\u00a0about whether this\u00a0might be a learning opportunity.<\/p>\n

Helpful narrative: \u201cWhat is my contribution to the situation?\u201d<\/p>\n

Challenge 4: The passive-aggressive cycle<\/strong><\/h3>\n

There can be a reinforcing pattern between passive and aggressive styles. Seeking approval, keeping things the same, waiting for others to set goals, and avoiding conflict may work for a while. A lack of results may then result in a shift towards trying to make things perfect, winning at all costs, taking control, and opposing that which we see as stopping us. These aggressive efforts can become tiring and we hop back to being passive. This pattern then creates a self-perpetuating \u201cpassive-aggressive\u201d behaviour.<\/p>\n

Helpful narrative: \u201cOnce I am aware that there is a different option, I can\u00a0make a choice to stop the cycle.\u201d<\/p>\n

Challenge 5: What does constructive looks like?<\/strong><\/h3>\n

We are familiar with the styles of thought and behaviour that are serving our needs. We learn these styles from examples we had growing up, reinforced by our inherent personality. We may not be familiar with what a constructive response looks like. We may think the only alternative to being passive is an aggressive response, and vice versa. Like any skill, developing an alternative to a natural fight or flight reaction takes practice.<\/p>\n

Helpful narrative: \u201cLike any skill, I can learn a new response, even if it is not familiar to me now.\u201d<\/p>\n

A Constructive response<\/h2>\n

We have many examples in society of defensive responses, but we do not have as many examples of a Constructive response.<\/p>\n

The\u00a0four Constructive styles provided by the LSI create a narrative that clearly describes an alternative to the passive-aggressive cycle.:<\/p>\n

“I know who I am and my own boundaries. I know what is mine to own and what is not mine to own. This assurance gives me both confidence in my role in improving the situation as well as awareness of areas I need to work on. \u00a0I am present in the moment, focused on what is actually happening rather than some false perception of the situation.” (Self-actualisation<\/strong>)<\/p>\n

“I know where I am going and set realistic goals to get there. I set goals not for some external reward such as beating others or so people will like me. I set goals for the reward of learning as I\u00a0work towards goals and the practice of setting goals. My value as a person is not tied to achieving those goals, but I learn from the process of setting goals and the journey towards those goals.” (Achievement<\/strong>)<\/p>\n

“I believe in the inherent value of those around me and encourage them to be the best they can be.\u00a0 My focus on the growth of others does not come at the expense of my own value, but I accept others to the same extent that I accept myself.” (Humanistic-encouraging<\/strong>)<\/p>\n

“I work through and with the work of others. I attract people around me and develop strong collaborative relationships built on trust and transparency.” \u00a0(Affiliative<\/strong>)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The results of a constructive approach<\/h2>\n

\"proving<\/a><\/p>\n

Through my coaching conversations, I have heard many people defend their defensive behaviours. It is not my position to say whether certain styles of thinking are or are not appropriate. \u00a0What I can share is the results that are shown by\u00a0the\u00a0millions of people who have participated in the LSI over the past few decades.<\/p>\n

There are two parts to the LSI. One part is where you assess yourself.\u00a0 This indicates your own thinking style.\u00a0 Results published in 2014 show that for people who think more constructively, they have the following personal outcomes:<\/p>\n